Play Ball
The whole “base” thing when it comes to relationships confuses me a bit. If first base is kissing with your mouth open, what’s holding hands or hugging? Do couples really “stop” at second base at all, or just round about it on the way to third? If you hit a “home run”, does that mean you have to wait for the whole line up to bat before you get another chance again?
So I’m rewriting the base rules. Let’s call “at bat” asking a girl or guy out. Nothing weird there. Instead of the bases representing something physical, however, let’s have them represent all the things you need for the ultimate home run–marriage (or committed partnership if you don’t believe in marriage or can’t get married for whatever reason).
I think first base would represent attraction. That doesn’t just mean physical attraction, although that is a part of it. You can be attracted to someone on many levels–maybe you admire her book smarts. Maybe you think he’s funny. Whatever the reason, without attraction, you’ll be better as just friends. The first-base attraction is the difference between a potential spouse and a best friend. It can be hard to describe, but you know it’s there. It’s a combination of having things in common, complementing one another, physically being attracted, etc. If you get butterflies when you see/talk to one another, you’ve probably got to first base.
So let’s call second base the “alignment.” In other words, your lives have to be on the same track in order for a relationship to work. No matter how much you care for someone, you can’t be together if you’re interested in a career and he’s interested in a big family, or if you live on opposite sides of the planet with no intention of moving, or if the age difference is just too great, or if…well…there are many reasons. This is the prime reason for relationships failing. Your lives have to line up with one another, either naturally or because you’re willing to compromise.
Finally, there’s third base, and I’m going to call that spiritual understanding. If you’re committed to God and believe strongly that atheists go to hell when they die, dating an atheist probably won’t be best for you (or the other person). If you’re a Muslim and find the perfect partner, but he or she refuses to someday raise children in that faith, you’re only setting yourself up for disaster. If you’re agnostic and fall in love with someone who strongly believes in specific rules of a specific faith, you may have problems.
You don’t have to be the same religion as your spouse. In fact, many couples find that a bit of variety leads to a more tolerant, understanding relationship and, eventually, family. That said, you shouldn’t have to compromise your own beliefs to be with someone else. Also, if you believe strongly that a person’s lifestyle choices are wrong and that you won’t be together in the afterlife, your life together may be very sad. After all, the great thing about marriage for many religions is growing old with someone in the hopes that you’ll someday be together eternally in some form of heaven. Or, if you don’t believe in heaven, a partnership with someone who does can be very hurtful, since you can’t put yourself in that eternal situation.
The bottom line? You have to talk about your faith. You can’t skip third base and simply go for home. Discuss how you plan to live your life, what you believe happens when you die, how marriage should work in your eyes, and how you want to raise your children. Make sure that you’re compatible before you start edging your way toward marriage, and the relationship will either grow stronger or you’ll realize that it’s time to part ways before you get too deeply involved.
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