Find Religion

Marriage is a tricky thing. Recently, some of the writers here at 451 has a discussion about homosexual relationships and marriage, sparked by a question by Lyndsey at Lez Keep it Real. That question? “Do you support gay marriage?”

A few weeks ago, I did a post about the Bible and homosexuality, theorizing that perhaps God is making people gay on purpose. The bottom line with that post was that the world is changing, so why should we think that God is staying the same. Religion is about keeping an open mind and listening to God speaking to you, however that may happen. So if we can “update” our version of marriage?

Because marriage, in my opinion, isn’t specifically linked to religion as much as it is linked to culture and history. Religion is a part of culture and history, but it is not COMPLETELY culture and history. After all, there have always been atheists.

So my answer to Lyndsey’s question? No. I don’t believe gay couples should be allowed to marry.

Now, before you crucify me (which would be really ironic, since I write the religion blog), hear me out.

To answer the question if any couple should get married, we first have to look at what marriage really is. Why do people get married? I’m not talking about any of the political reasons or financial benefits. Why do people get married? I mean, you can be in a committed relationship with someone without the marriage ceremony. You can say to people “this is my partner” without having that piece of paper that says “husband” or “wife”.

But even without all of the real-life benefits, like the tax break, I think people would probably still get married. So why? Well, historically, in just about every culture, marriage ceremonies were done before God. They were a promise not just to your partner, but to God. People wanted to get married because they believed that it would create an eternal bond that would last even after death.

Today, marriage is less about all of that. And that’s a shame. I really believe that this is one of the major reasons why divorce is so much more commonplace today. I’m’ not saying that all divorce is bad–not every marriage EVER can work. However, today, because there isn’t that element of “this is for eternity” and “this is before God” anymore, more and more marriages are failing. People don’t feel as accountable, so they marry before they’re “sure” and people don’t feel as responsible, so they aren’t inclined to make it work.

My problem with homosexual marriage is that marriage, no matter what the culture, has always been between a man and a woman before God. I don’t see homosexuality as the problem for marriage. I see marriage as the problem for homosexuality. Why would you want to “marry” when marriage isn’t a ceremony created for you. To be clear, I don’t believe that non-religious couples should “marry” either. It doesn’t make sense.

Marriage is a ceremony. Like…I don’t know…a baptism. If you don’t believe in God, why do you want to be baptized? Or like, a bar mitzvah…if you aren’t Jewish, why would you want to partake in that ceremony? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

If you’re gay (or non-religious), why not embrace your partner with a ceremony? You can still have a cake and flowers and a white dress. You can still commit to your relationship. Hopefully, as the world moves forward, all couples will be given the same rights too. But why does it have to be marriage? Why do we all have to fit into that one little box? Maybe I’m just splitting hairs here, but why does “marry” have to be the all-encompassing word? When I say that I’m “married,” I will want people to think “Here’s a girl who has committed to to her husband and to God”.

And why does there have to be just two kinds of unions? What about gay couples who are religious? God loves you guys and gals too, after all! In my mind, I see there being three different types of unions. For the sake of explanation, let’s call them “married1″ “married2″ and “married3″.

Girl #1: “I’m married1. My husband and I are committed to one another before God.”

Girl #2: “I’m married2. My life partner and I are committed to one another before God.”

Girl #3: “I’m married3. My husband/life partner and I are committed to one another”

And maybe there should be even more choices.

At the end of the day, you can’t take religion out of your life. I don’t care if you believe in God or not–religion is there. As a human species, religion is never going to die out. It’s a part of life as we know it. You don’t have to be religious yourself, but you do have to deal with it, probably on a day-to-day basis.

And marriage is one of the basic human rituals. Marriage is religious. It was always meant to be religious. Marriage is also cultural. It was created to be between a man and a woman.

Yes the world is evolving and changing. However, allowing gay couples to marry doesn’t have to be the only way to move forward for tolerance and peace.

Just as a note, my view on this are always evolving as I meet new and exciting people with different ideas and opinions. Please be one of them and leave your comment below!